In Mourning
by swanshero
Summary: After Neal's funeral and Regina's showdown with the Wicked Witch, Emma heads back to Mary Margaret and David's apartment, only to find herself wanting to hide from everyone. Hook is the only person willing to help Emma with her sorrow.


As the night slowly began to chill, Emma decided that it was time to head back to her parents' apartment. She hadn't stopped walking around Storybrooke since after Regina's showdown with the Wicked Witch, which was about four hours ago-except for a short meal at Granny's Diner. She glanced up at the clock tower and it was nearing midnight. Emma was the only person on the streets and that was the way she wanted it to be. She needed space right now. She just needed some time before she was thrown back into the strange life she lived.

After Neal's funeral, she wanted to escape everything, but the Wicked Witch quickly announced a battle between her and Regina at sundown, so obviously Emma couldn't disappear. She needed to be there to make sure everyone was okay. But, once the showdown was over, Emma just wanted to get out. And there, she began walking. She walked all through the town and through the woods-even though, she could admit that probably wasn't the best idea-and even up to the docks. Emma just wanted to clear her head for a few minutes, or a few hours apparently.

Emma's phone had been off ever since before the funeral, so no one had been able to reach her. Emma knew that once she arrived at Mary Margaret and David's apartment, she wouldn't hear the end of it. As she turned the corner to arrive on the street of their apartment, she just wanted to continue walking. But, she knew she had to face the music at some point tonight. Emma just didn't want to deal with the sorrowful faces that she knew were going to be waiting for her.

And Emma really didn't want to deal with the pity party.

Emma sighed and thought, _here we go_.

Emma walked up the final steps leading to her parents' apartment and let out a deep breath. She didn't want to walk through that door. She just wanted to curl into a ball and never face anyone ever again. The only person she would want to face again is probably on the other side of that door-he's one of the few who understands her mourning right now, other than Rumple and possibly Belle.

Emma let out another breath and turned the doorknob, which led her into the apartment where everyone she expected to be there was waiting for her. The first thing that happened was Mary Margaret enveloping her into a tight hug, before Emma could even close the door. She met eyes with David, who was standing on the other side of the island and smiled at her weakly. Mary released Emma and kissed her forehead, Mary's pregnant stomach barely grazing Emma.

"Where have you been?" Mary asked urgently once she stepped back.

Emma sighed and began casually glancing around the apartment, not finding the one she wanted to be here most. "I just needed air and some time alone."

"Well, Regina invited Henry back to her house since she didn't know when you'd turn up," David told Emma as he stepped around the island and walked over to Emma and Mary Margaret to close the front door. "It's been hours since the showdown."

Emma took a deep breath. "I know. I just needed to think. I didn't want to be surrounded by sad faces and hearing condolences. I just didn't want to deal with it and I still don't."

Emma stepped around her parents and walked over to the stairs when she heard the bathroom door open. Even though she could feel tears building behind her eyes, Emma looked back and saw the one man she needed most right now walk out of the bathroom: Hook. Just before the first tear began to fall, Emma turned back around and continued up the stairs to the spare bedroom. She hurried up the last few steps as she felt the tears come full force from the weight of the day bearing down on her.

Emma slid off her heels, which had been torturing her even since the funeral, and collapsed onto the bed. That's when the sobbing commenced. She knew that she shouldn't be crying over the man that left her in jail, but she still found herself weeping over the good memories that they had. Emma knew that he honestly wanted to change and wanted to be with her and forget about what he had done, but she still kept him at a distance. She couldn't trust him again, just as she couldn't trust almost anybody ever since Neal sent her to jail. Emma didn't want to cry over him since she was pretty damn sure that she was way over her allotted tears for Neal, but she couldn't control it. He was the father of her son and that made him more special to her than she truly wanted him to be. And he had died in her own arms. She was the reason he was dead.

_Stop crying, Emma. You're stronger than this. Neal doesn't deserve these tears_, Emma told herself. But she still couldn't find the strength to stop crying.

"Swan?" Emma heard Hook call up to her. His voice sounded too close, so she quickly wiped her eyes and flipped over to see Hook at the top step.

Hook looked shaken, to say the least. He was suffering as hard as she was over Neal's death. He had spent time with Neal when Neal was on the Jolly Roger for a short time. Emma never really knew how much Neal had an impact on Hook's life and she still didn't know everything about their relationship. But, she could see as clear as day that Hook was in mourning and that he's really the only person Emma could turn to. She wasn't about to try to bond with Rumple and she didn't even know Belle that well, so Hook was the best person to agonize with.

"What are you doing here?" Emma asked, trying to keep her voice from cracking. She wiped a few more tears from her face and adjusted her dress which had risen a considerable length while crying on the bed.

"David wanted me to check on you. He's worried," Hook responded, taking the last step onto this level of Mary and David's apartment.

"Did you hear us?" Emma asked him and she knew the answer. The apartment wasn't exactly soundproof, especially since Hook was only in the bathroom nearby.

Hook nodded. "Aye."

Emma nibbled on her lip and suddenly, the floodgates opened again. Emma didn't know what triggered the tears again, but she couldn't hold them back. She covered her face so Hook didn't see her ugly crying face (which truly was ugly) and a sob racked through her chest. She heard the plop of boots, the tossing of a jacket and the bed shifted. Emma peeked through her hand and saw Hook crawling onto the bed to meet her. Hook gently removed Emma's hand from her face and stroked her cheek.

"You shouldn't hide your face, love," Hook whispered, trying to charm her. He doesn't even need to say anything special like that; no matter what he says, Emma is charmed by him. "It's a disservice to the world."

Emma rolled her sore eyes. "I bet you say that to all of the girls."

"Only to the ones that I'm trying to win over."

Emma chuckled and wiped her face again. "Stop trying to cheer me up. It's one of those times that I just want to cry for a while."

Hook nodded in agreement. Emma laid down on the bed on her side, facing Hook. Hook matched her position and stared at Emma with those bright blue eyes, mirroring the oceans that he spent most of his life on. Emma could spend every day swimming in those eyes, but it's just too soon to even fathom being with Hook like that. Emma never considered going back to Neal, but she didn't want to feel like she was skipping onto Hook because she was upset. She didn't want it to be that way. Emma wanted to give herself entirely to Hook, but when she was feeling herself again and past the mourning.

"How are you feeling?" Hook asked Emma as they shared a pillow on the queen-sized bed.

"I should ask how you're doing, since it's pretty obvious how I am," Emma replied, looking into those eyes that make her lose time.

Hook sighed. "I'm devastated, to be perfectly honest."

Emma nibbled on her lip and wrung her hands together, right in the middle between her and Hook. "It's my fault, you know. I'm the one who separated him and Rumple. I'm the reason he died, Hook."

"Don't blame yourself, Swan," Hook whispered to her and Emma could feel more tears building. God, hadn't she cried enough today? "You weren't the one who tricked him into sacrificing himself to save Rumplestiltskin. The Wicked Witch was the one who truly killed him."

Emma shook her head and put her hands over her face. "But, I still-"

"Emma, no," Hook said as he removed Emma's hands from her face and held them tightly between them. "Don't do that to yourself. I have done that to myself plenty and it isn't fun, love."

Emma sighed and nibbled on her lip again, trying to push back the tears that she knew were coming. She looked up into Hook's eyes again, which led to a tear falling down her cheek. She closed her eyes and felt Hook wipe the tear away from her cheek. Emma soon felt arms wrapping around her and she was overwhelmed by the scent of the ocean. Immediately, Emma found herself hugging Hook back as tightly as she could. Hook was her own personal anchor to the world right now and Emma just knew that she had been Hook's own support since they first met.

Emma sniffed in deeply at Hook's silky shirt, not wanting to ever forget the scent. Something about it soothed Emma on a deep level and she didn't even want to think about why it did that to her. Emma scooted closer to Hook and lined up perfectly along his worn body. She could feel Hook kissing her forehead and Emma just wanted to stay in this position forever.

Or at least until the world had caught up to her again.

"Can you tell me about when he was on your ship?" Emma asked Hook, while they continued to lay together intertwined.

Hook chuckled, his chest moving against hers as he did so. "I taught him how to read the stars."

"I already know that," Emma responded, a smile playing at her lips. "What else?"

"I saw him like a son," Hook told Emma and Emma could tell that this was the vulnerable side of him. "I wanted to teach him everything and wanted to make him like my son. But, the Lost Boys found us and forced me into giving him up. He didn't forgive me for that until the day he died."

Emma leaned back and looked Hook in the eyes. "You couldn't have kept him. The Lost Boys are dangerous."

"Aye. But, I could've at least fought."

Emma sighed and snuggled closer to Hook's chest. Hook rumbled low from his chest and wrapped his arms tighter around Emma. Emma didn't want Hook to feel bad about what he did all those years ago. Hell, that was hundreds of years ago and Hook still felt bad about it. Emma felt that Hook didn't deserve to still grieve over what he did that long ago. Emma just wanted Hook to feel like himself again and it seemed like he was getting to that point again.

It seemed like what Hook was doing for Emma was the same thing Emma always did for Hook. Emma made Hook feel like he deserved to love again and Hook made Emma feel like she could open herself to love again.

And Emma was absolutely and perfectly okay with that.


End file.
